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I don't need no diamond rings, I don't need no Cadillac car [06 May 2009|07:02pm]
I'm not quite sure what brings me back to livejournal, my old friend. The need to express I presume.
I was sitting, oh-so-bored, and self pity began to set in. I decided I needed to let some things out, bringing me to this corner of our Broadway Street kitchen. The day's last light is filtering in through the window, and Winston is batting a bottle cap around on the floor. I enjoy the click click clicking of the keys as i type.
What are the happenings, the goings-on, of my life right now you(no one) may wonder??
Ah, where to begin. The basics I suppose.
I am 21 years old, 22 in almost 2 months exactly. I live at 5314 Broadway St with a Mr Justin Mog and Miss Brandi Spaethe. I am proud parent of two cats, Kitty and Winston, who entertain me and give me solace if nothing else can. I just enrolled at Ivy Tech (again). I decided to take 3 classes to give me something to occupy my time, as I am unemployed and want to avoid getting a job at all costs. However I doubt that would be a problem because the job market is utter shit these days. Recession will do that ya know.
I am lonely. I have lost nearly every friend I have had in the world, and have found no comfort in anyone I have met in Indianapolis. Justin is here for me in a remote, unhelpful sort of way. I see too much fault in him now, and he doesn't see much worth in anybody including myself. Well, I take it back. He values one, a sir Johnny Banks. Yeah I'm jealous. Hurt maybe. But I am as supportive as I can muster.
Sorry livejournal I have lost interest.
lonely

take one of these on your holiday [17 Nov 2004|09:31am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

im finding myself to be unhappy with my current daily routine. school seems completely pointless. i only need to be here for 3 periods of the day, but im stuck here for 7. four periods of my day are just filling space. im not even enjoying photography as much as i did in the beginning of the year. im getting lazy and i havent shot a good roll in a while. work is suprisingly not bothering me as much any more though. i dont mind being at work, and with the exception of one SUPER HARDCORE BASTARDASS BITCHFUCK, i get along with everyone very well. ive been volunteering to work until close a lot lately and havent even minded doing it. that is mighty stange. i used to want to stab my eyes every time i had to close. so i guess thats good?

i miss two people very much. one of which i dont think i will ever get back.

lonely

your dilated smile [04 Feb 2004|02:59pm]
im home from school today. i feel so insanely shitty right now. my head is exploding. i think im going to puke...again. and im depressed. i feel fucking stupid for feeling so depressed, because my problems are so small and so dumb. its even dumber because i am really lucky to have what im depressed about. i hate feeling like this. i wish i could go and make my best friend happy. she needs a good cheering-up. oh god i feel vomit crawling up my throat....
2 loves| lonely

[15 Jan 2004|07:12pm]
fuck my parents
they make me fucking miserable and dont even care
i hate them
fuck off and die.
6 loves| lonely

[21 Nov 2003|11:19pm]
Post anything that you want (in comments), and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love -- anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say
8 loves| lonely

its all fun until you lose what you have won [20 Nov 2003|04:33pm]
well, ladies and gentlemen, i am afraid i am going to have to make this journal friends-only because certain parents of mine do not have the god-damned decency to give me some privacy.

add me and i will certainly add you back. i appologize for the inconvenience. oh wait, no i dont. my nosy mother and father should appologize for that.
1 love| lonely

and said get the fuck up out of bed, and get a god damned job, so i threw the phone at her face [17 Nov 2003|08:45pm]
[ mood | i dont know ]

i know this is the zillionth depressed entry in a row, but its not like i have anything else to do. i feel like escaping. god this was pointless. i cant even think of anything good to write.

3 loves| lonely

twenty twenty twentyfour [15 Nov 2003|04:51pm]
have you ever lost something
that you wish more than anything you could have back
hoping you could just walk down the street
or down the hallway at school
and say "oh! there it is!" and pick it up
and put it safely in your pocket?
i do.
6 loves| lonely

take it on the other side [15 Nov 2003|04:12pm]
i'm doomed.
lonely

and then he said "we'll pack up the truck and run away" [14 Nov 2003|10:45pm]
[ mood | shitted upon ]

i must be stupid to believe anything he said to me.
it feels like nobody fucking cares.
i dont have anything to wake up for tomorrow morning. maybe if i had some cocoa puffs, or even a box of lucky charms. but i dont even have that.
damn.

6 loves| lonely

shut up, potato brains [13 Nov 2003|05:09pm]
[ mood | i dont know ]

i have absolutely nothing to do. so here are some goodies
for a good time, call 1-900....Collapse )

3 loves| lonely

[12 Nov 2003|08:59pm]
im grounded for 2 weeks. just shoot me in the fucking face right now.
2 loves| lonely

i wish i made cures for how people are [12 Nov 2003|08:37pm]
[ mood | predatory ]

today was shit. almost as equal in shittiness as yesterday. not quite, but close. yesterday i was going to hang out with dave, but i had promised mom that i wouldnt go out after school this week since ive been gone for like a month straight. so i lied and said i had to work because i didnt even feel like asking if i could hang out with anyone. mom decided to drop by my work, but alas i was not there. go figure. dave couldnt even hang out and i already had a shitload of things on my mind, and i was lonely as fuck because courtney had to be home at 6, so i went to rock's house. on the way home at like 10:30 i got lost downtown. to make matters worse it was raining and i managed to find my way into the complete ghetto, but couldnt find my way out for a half hour. i called my mom to say that i was going to be late because they made me stay after a bit at work, and she was like "well that's funny, because i went to target today and you werent there" in this sarcastic, you-better-confess-now kind of tone. so basically im fucked. once mom gets back from the store we are going to "discuss" how long im grounded for. it going to suck balls because my parents are so completely unwilling to compromise. they can be very unreasonable at times.

today debi, who was my "best" friend, called me a "drunken delinquent". and she wasnt joking.

it's just you and me, kid.

1 love| lonely

i cant help the way that i feel [12 Nov 2003|07:33am]
everything fucking sucks for me right now. this is the worst ive felt in so long. i have to go to school. ill write about it later
lonely

and somehow, the world seems different [09 Nov 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | good ]

a random list of things.
-i hate school
-i live for weekends
-i had chicken for dinner
-my job sucks horribly
-they always schedule me until 10 on fridays and saturdays
-my parents made my curfew fucking 11:30
-yesterday a certain gentleman brought me flowers and a card at work. i wanted to cry
-courtney got her wallet stolen. or lost. we dont know.
-i disappointed someone this weekend
-being drunk is really really fun
-there is this guy sam at work, woah what a hottie
-"my name is cliff, brother of joe, got me some crack, want me some hoes"
-I WISH I COULD QUIT MY GOD DAMNED JOB
-i really really have to pee
-i saw part of this movie today, American Virgin, it was fairly okay
-im tired and going to bed.

FIN

lonely

sure, flipper was fast, but turtles just dont run away. [05 Nov 2003|05:25pm]
[ mood | itchy ]

i am really damn itchy. and its a weird kind of itch, like the kind that never goes away. moving on to other matters, it was a crazy weekend. i was either completely drunk or hungover over the course of 4 days. a lot of people got mad at me on friday, because i kept making out with people and grabbing asses. then the cops came and steff, courtney, some other guy and myself ran into the middle of a wet muddy field and layed in it for a bitch-ass long time. we avoided getting breathalized, but john did and we felt so fucking bad. a lot of people thought he got arrested, but he didnt. he only has 24 hours of community service. and he's grounded for 6 months...christ i would probably dig my eyeballs out. saturday we got drunk again and went to Rock's house. steff got all mad though because of certain events, so that sucked. sunday i had to work and courtney and i went to rock's for a little while. then monday we went to rock's again and drank some more. yee haw! there was conflict between steff and courtney though which sucked, but i guess things are better. courtney i love you also. you are my dearest of lovers, and i am glad we became friends. our little noses fit perfectly together :) hehe
today i got a cavity filled. they didnt shave it down properly so there is this jagged piece that sticks out and hurts my tongue.

1 love| lonely

the day moves on [01 Nov 2003|05:01pm]
[ mood | shitty and lonely. ]

im so sorry. im really fucking sorry.
kaboom.

1 love| lonely

some things you cant hide [31 Oct 2003|10:22am]
[ mood | good ]

we had a half-day yesterday.
no school today.
or monday.
oh how i love fall break.

im so bored...i dont really have anything good to say.

1 love| lonely

[27 Oct 2003|08:08pm]
....sigh
sometimes i wish i was anywhere but here
4 loves| lonely

where are we going? to the library! [26 Oct 2003|05:24pm]
[ mood | tired ]

good golly miss molly, i havent sat myself down with the sole intent of updating in a really long time.
i have been ever-so-busy, with work and hanging out and all that jazz. i have been so tired as well. with the exception of today, whenever i work it is always until the store closes at 10. today i worked 9-1, but Fran and I were setting up a display and wanted to get it done so i worked an extra hour. it's not bad though. i kind-of like it. especially today, because i got to set up all kinds of displays, which is more fun than working in clothes, where all you do is put away the clothes from the dressing rooms, which is what i normally do. yee haw for Target. oh, and today i was configuring what my average paycheck should be, with taxes taken out and all that. my first paycheck will be around $220, and more towards thanksgiving when i am working 25 hours a week, my paycheck will be an upwards of $300. well actually like $287 or something. hell fucking yes. im excited.

my mom went and bought me some dickies yesterday. i told her they had some courduroys clearanced for $19 at Pac Sun, but she brought home $38 un-clearanced un-corduroy khaki dickies. ai caramba! im not complaining, but that was completely unneccesssary.

friday courtney, steph, dan and i saw Rocky Horror at this outdoor theater, and we were cold as balls. possibly because we all were dressed like complete whores. but come on, only squares dont dress like whores for rocky horror. we saw these two girls we know, Emilee and Kami, and they were even worse though. they only had underwear and a ..um..i dont know how to spell it. one of those lace-up bra thingies that they all wear in the movie. at least we had skirts on. we put dan in this really really small purple shirt and these velvet pants with sequined flames at the bottom. and then i put eyeliner on him and gave him a mohawk. he looked so homosexual. honestly. it was humorous.

debi annoyed me yesterday. i dont feel like going into specifics, but that is one more reason why matt needs to turn gay so that she can have fun again.

im downloading some music. i am such the rebel...my dad told me not to because he doesnt want to get sued. buwahaha

well folks, i am going to go. have a nice night.

1 love| lonely

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